Amy called me at work the other day and said, “Are you busy?”

“Yes,” I answered, “Human Resources is sponsoring a door decorating contest and I’m decorating our department’s door.”

She was very quiet for a minute, and then she said what I think is the biggest compliment anyone has ever bestowed upon me:

“It’s not fair for them to do things like that when you work there. No one else really has a chance at winning with you around, do they?”

Seriously? Did she really just say that? Why yes, I believe she did. That, friends and neighbors, is why I will love her for the rest of my life.

Anyway, HR sponsored this contest at work and I was trying to take my mind off of other, less happy, less holiday-ish things so I went slightly overboard, per my usual. You know I work in a dungeon, so I was excited to brighten the place up a bit.

It’s in a hallway with fire doors and such, so I couldn’t get a very good shot of the whole thing.

I probably would have been able to if I had just done the door, like I was supposed to.

It just didn’t seem like it would have as much “oomph,” though.

We would have lost the sad elf with the interesting back story. See, Barney the elf was working three jobs because Sheila was laid off from the toy factory in June. He was trying to keep all the little mini-elves in diapers and Keds, and the poor guy was exhausted. He nodded off on the assembly line for a split second, but it just happened to be Santa’s day to tour the factory and there Barney was, dreaming of large elf-women.

Santa, as you know, is a slave-driving bastard, and he locked poor Barney up faster than you can say, “On Dasher!” There’s a lesson to be learned here, I’m sure, but I have no idea what it is.

Anyway, if you open the door that Santa is peeking through, you will find my Christmas tree and cardboard fireplace.

In case you are ever thinking to yourself, “Wouldn’t it be neat to fashion a fireplace out of cardboard?” I’d like to offer this advice:

DON’T. It is a terrible, terrible idea that will only cause you grief in the long run. You will have many, many nightmares. Just. say. no.

I am a much bigger fan of this tree than my own tree at home, and am seriously considering swapping them. I wonder if anyone will notice..