Because I am that much of a geek, I bought tickets well over a month ago to see “New Moon.”

People, it just doesn’t get more “cheesy suburbanite mom” than this. I’m telling you.

I started my day at 7:30, dropping Zion off at school. Then I drove to the vet and dropped the new puppy off for his testicle removal process. Grocery shopping, picked the puppy up, picked up the movie tickets, and went -

- pay attention, because this is where I officially started hating myself -

- to McDonalds to pick up the cooler and drinks they donated for the PTA chili cook-off at the school.

Oh yes I did.

This is about the point where I looked over my to-do list for the afternoon and thought to myself, “I’m officially in hell. Trip to the vet’s office, check. Grocery shopping, check. Movie tickets for the midnight showing of a teen romance, check. PTA ERRAND RUNNING?!? Oh god.”

Dropped the puppy off at Grandma’s for baby sitting – seriously – did the chili dinner thing, dropped the kid off at Other Grandma’s for baby sitting and we were home free.

I know I’m beating a dead horse here, but all day long I kept thinking about the last time I sat in line for a midnight showing at a movie theater and how much alcohol was in my system that particular evening, and how there were no baby sitters required…

{my husband refers to this as “The Before-times”}

So there I was at 10:30 with a “Scrapbookers Dream” totebag full of candy {because prudence wouldn’t allow me to pay movie theater prices for it since I’ve recently TURNED INTO MY GRANDMOTHER}, sitting behind several screaming, blond high school girls who took more pictures of themselves than I’ve taken of Zion in his five years of existence.

{Amy said, “What, are they cancelling high school tomorrow? Because I don’t think anyone’s coming…”}

After thirty minutes of blinding flashes, Nicole leaned forward and said, “You’re either going to have to find a way to dim that flash or turn it the hell off,” and I almost kissed her.

Mike glanced at the three women to the right of him {plus 1 pre-teen}, all of us gossiping animatedly about Team Jacob and Team Edward. Then he glanced at the three women to the left of him gazing admiringly at Nicole’s “Team Edward” cup {I was afraid for a moment at the concession stand when the cashier informed her there was an extra charge for the Twilight cups}, and he sighed and informed me, “I’m just here to keep my bitches in line, ok?”

He fell asleep for the first half of the movie, so I guess he was serious.

Anyway, here’s my Sara-ized version of a movie review, just because I feel like addressing it…

1. Robert Pattinson = Not the Sex God you’ve come to know and love in this particular movie. Prepare yourselves.

2. Jasper and Emmett just don’t get enough screen time.

3. Jasper’s hair is stupid. I sincerely hope he gets his old hair back in the next one.

4. There are not nearly enough half-naked werewolf pack scenes.

5. I need some red contact lenses.

I’m off to re-read “Breaking Dawn” now. Just because I can.